The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions..

... And the road to Hana is paved with bricks from Hell. Jkjkjkjk. The road to Hana isn't paved. Jkjkjkjk. The front way into Hana is paved and basically two lanes, while the "back way" is not paved, it's between .75 and 1.25 lanes wide, and a virtual death trap. A beautifully, horrifically gorgeous, death trap. Actually, according to ChaCha.com less than one person dies on the road to Hana each year. Which can only mean one thing. About one Dolphan (a combination dolphin-human) is killed on the road yearly.

So, anyway I went to Hana this weekend. Hana is about 60 miles from where I live. It takes approximately 3 hours to get there, when taking the "Road to Hana" that I keep talking about. It is in fact very beautiful, and it was in fact my second time taking the trip. The following blog post will be about my first trip. I will begin talking about that trip... now. (Meant to be read the same way one might read THIS bit, right around the 0:33-0:36 mark).

Circa my fifth day here, I accidentally went to Hana. Up until that point, my days went something like this:
6:00-wake up in my hostel room
6:30-go to church and pray that God help me find a place to live
7:00- go to Starbucks and try not to cry
8:00- go back to the hostel cry a bit and wait for it to be 10:00/look for a place to live
10:00- go to Costco and enjoy the familiarity of it, but don't buy anything
1:00- leave Costco and head to the beach and cry
3:00- call my mom and cry like an over-tired 3 year old, refusing to take a nap
5:00- back to the hostel, look again at craigslist
6:00- take some Valerian root or Excedrin PM
6:30- fall into a listless sleep

Livin' in paradise ain't easy y'all. So after five days of this I thought I'd take a nice car trip to "help myself down off the ledge" as it were. I suppose now is a good a time as any to mention that I did absolutely no research on Maui before I moved here. On the way to the airport my mom asked me what city I was flying into, and my response was “I know there’s 3 airports, and the code for this one in OGG, but it’s like Kahunli I think”. The actual name of the city if Kahului. But you see how I offered unnecessary information to help put her mind at ease? I mean, I vaguely understood that Maui is was one of the, 7ish, Hawaiian islands. Meaning, there is no land bridge connecting it to the continental United States. AND judging by road signs, I was able to read through my tears, there is a place called Hana that is 50 miles away from Kahunli… excuse me… Kahului.

After calling my mother at 3:00, as usual, I set off for Hana. This may have been my first mistake. Apparently people leave between 5 and 8 am when going to Hana. My B, I can see that now. Just to be sure I didn’t get lost, I punched “Hana” into my GPS, and got directions for “the back way” or “death road”. The following are some picture of ”the back way” to Hana, I found on Google.com (is that good as far as non-copyright infringement goes?)

The beginning of the "unauthorized road"-a place where no rental car is to go.

One of the nicer patches of concrete

Most of the signs along the way tell you to slow down, and/or, beware of the cows on the road.

If you only watch 30 second of this, let it be the 30 seconds between 5:30 and 6:00. And I suggests this after only watching from 5:34-5:37....so....

And here are somethings I was able to scream, to myself, between terror filled sobs.

"This CANNOT be the only way to Hana!!!"
"Is there even going to be a town at the end of this road?!?!?!?!"
"I'm ABOVE the clouds right now!!!"
"PLEASE DON'T LET ME DIE, LORD!!!!!!!"
"Why didn't I turn around 2 hours ago?!?!?!?!"
"There's those cows there always talking about!!!"
"Who's the patron saint of nervous drivers!!??!!!"
"I'd LOVE to scoot past you tour bus, but we're on a HALF OF A LANE road!!"
"Why don't I turn around NOW!!!!!!!!!?????"
"I wish my radio came in better, I LOVE Club Nouveaux's version of 'Lean on Me'"
"I.AM.ABOVE.THE.CLOUDS!!!!!!"
"There's a spot to turn around. Oh, there's a spot to turn around."
"THIS CANNOT BE THE ONLY ROAD INTO HANA!!!!!!!! IF IT IS, IMMA WRITE A LETTER TO MAUI!! THAT'LL TEACH 'UM!!!!!!"

Well, I eventually got to Hana. And by that time I was fairly convinced that there had to be another way out of Hana. Although I was mentally preparing myself for the possibility of having to sell my car and fly back to Kahului (Hana-one of Maui's 3 airports. Take that research and being well prepared!). Thankfully the nice 11 year old working at the gas station pointed me to the other road. He instructed me, that although it was longer and windier, it was also much safer. Especially since it was getting dark and starting to rain. "Thanks, Kid" I said, as I flung a nickle his way, for his trouble. Jkjkjkjk. I was focusing too much on NOT crying in front of him, to do anything that classy (?).

So, anyway, after all that, I rolled back into the hostel around 10:00. Vowing never to return to Hana. That was a vow I kept for nearly 6 weeks. Which is longer than Kim's marriage to Kris. OOOOOOO. I went there.

Love you all,
Kate
P.S.
Any one wanna be a guest blogger on this thing?